Episode 1. Of Bushveld, Beasts and Blondes
Our hosts explore the best-known game area in the world, the Greater Kruger National Park; Rough or Smooth style. Paul takes an overdressed Terence on an elephant riding trip, then they go leopard tracking on a game walk and cook hippopotamus ‘potjie” for dinner. But this traditional cooking method using a cast iron pot on an open fire gets a fire hazard free twist as Paul lets the hippo steak stew in a mixture of red wine, garlic, ginger, basil, onions, carrots and potatoes for 12 hours in an underground earth oven.
Terence gives the hippo dish a smooth makeover; carpaccio infused with balsamic vinegar, red wine, sweet port and goji and gooseberries. The things he’ll do to impress a ruggedly handsome game ranger at a safari picnic!
He is later whisked from the luxury of his five star lodge on a gin soaked game drive. The lion sighting may have been spectacular, but the night is ruined by Paul’s hyena impersonation as Terence is forced to camp in a tent. But it is nothing that champagne and a sunrise hot-air balloon flight over the savannah won’t fix.
Episode 2. Mayhem in the Malutis
It is winter in the Maluti Mountains of Lesotho, the mountainous country land-locked by South Africa – once the kingdom of the great chief Moshweshwe. Terence wrapped in furs, rides a Basotho Pony through heavy snow as Paul sweeps past on his snowboard – This is what happens when you mix snow and Africa. Madness! Just over the mountains, in South Africa’s vast province of the Free State, Terence tries out a local version of Afro-Germanic Gluwein – in a fairytale castle. To ward off the cold, this European classic gets some South African flavour with the addition of locally grown cherries, porcupine quills and a lot of attitude.
Back in Lesotho the next day he learns that ski instructors make great snowmen models. Paul hits the slopes with the pros by day and the backpackers for strip poker and tequila by night. After the infamous upside-downers, a performance in the resort’s “Cabaret” they hope nobody will remember and a lot of schnapps, they light a bonfire to thank the snow Gods and hopefully burn away their sins.
Episode 3. Snoek Chic
Just outside Cape Town, nestled between steep mountains and the chilly waters of False Bay, lies picturesque Kalk Bay, where Terence grew up. This historical fishing village is renowned for its antique shops, fine dining and snoek, a fish related to the barracuda, which appears every year in large schools. This is known as the snoek run and is a bonanza for the local fishermen like Terence’s Uncle Ernie who helps the boys catch one off his boat. Suleiga, the first mate’s wife then cooks it perfectly according to a family recipe passed down through generations of fishermen. This is Cape Malay cuisine; spicy eastern influences brought to Africa centuries ago on slave ships.
The next morning, in the pre dawn darkness, a typically underdressed Paul, takes the train from his beachfront budget accommodation to surf the world-renowned Kalk Bay reef. Terence having surveyed the sunrise from the battlements of his luxury five star castle, wanders down to the village to reminisce, bake bread, look at blondes, drag Paul through some shopping and do sundowners at one of Cape Town’s favourite pubs before catching a friend’s show at the theatre. A morning hike up the mountains to the Kalk Bay caves leaves Terence breathless but both boys inspired.
Episode 4. So Where To in Soweto
Paul and Terrence enjoy metropolitan life as experienced in the South Western Township (Soweto) on the outskirts of Johannesburg. It is the biggest day of the year, the historic 16th of June, when the student uprisings of 1976 against the apartheid regime are commemorated. The boys, cruising through the streets on a tandem bicycle, take in its vibe as they try to find the landmark Soccer City built for the 2010 World Cup. They experience Nelson Mandela’s house, the Hector Petersen museum, bungee jumping the Orlando Towers and the desire to choke one another with a bicycle chain.
Terence is at first really impressed by the Soweto ‘street fare’ lunch – reminiscent of oxtail casserole. When he visits the ‘kitchen’ for seconds, he realises that he’s been eating from a completely different end of the animal. It was cow’s head. The cook, bloodied axe in hand is only too pleased to demonstrate how the cow heads are chopped open and cooked on fires in large pots of bubbling broth.
From the rough of Paul’s funky backpackers to the smooth of a black diamond diva’s night on the town in a stretch limo, this really is the heartbeat of South African township life.